


i like my body when it is with your body. It is so quite new a thing.

by SorryFreudianSlip



Series: so close that your hand on my chest is my hand [2]
Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, I mean come on, M/M, Mattimir, Mostly Fluff, Nerds in Love, Sexual Content, fear of needles, like a tiny bit, like i mean i cannot write sex sorry, trans!Vladimir, transgender character, vladimir is trans and also adorable, with a little angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 17:31:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4634022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SorryFreudianSlip/pseuds/SorryFreudianSlip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s open, fool.” Said Vladimir. He sounded exhausted, a man resigned to his fate. Matt opened the door, smelling antiseptic and hearing Vladimir aspirate a syringe. He was sitting on the corner of the tub, his trousers and shirt folded in the corner.</p><p>“You know, yes?” Vladimir said. It wasn’t damning, or accusing. Not a death sentence, just a question. Matt hesitated, licking his lips.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Vladimir is transgender. Matt loves him. Everything's good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i like my body when it is with your body. It is so quite new a thing.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the e. e. cummings poem. Enjoy!

“Тили-тили-бом,

Закрой глаза скорее.”

Vladimir’s voice echoed throughout the bathroom. Matt paused, setting down his glasses on the kitchen counter. His voice was shaky as he sang, timid and strained. A breath away from tears.

“Кто-то ходит за окном,

И стучится в двери.”

It had been about a month since they began this...arrangement. A month since their last screaming match, since Matt staggered back to his apartment half dead and woke up to Vladimir curled up beside him. He had a bag filled with clothes and a bag filled with cash, and a copy of his penthouse key on Matt’s nightstand. They decided they should stay together, in one house or another, if only to keep an eye on each other. If only to stay alive. Matt walked to the bathroom. Vladimir continued singing. 

“Тили-тили-бом,

Кричит ночная птица.

Он уже пробрался в дом-”

“К тем, кому не спится.” Matt finished, standing outside the bathroom door. He knocked twice.

“It’s open, fool.” Vladimir said. He sounded exhausted, a man resigned to his fate. Matt opened the door, smelling antiseptic and hearing Vladimir aspirate a syringe. He was sitting on the corner of the tub, his trousers and shirt folded in the corner.

“You know, yes?” Vladimir said. It wasn’t damning, or accusing. Not a death sentence, just a question. Matt hesitated, licking his lips.

“Yes.”

Vladimir rolled his neck with a sigh, as Matt stepped forward and placed his hands on his shoulders.

“When?” Vladimir set the Testosterone to the side.

“Since our first date.” Matt replied. They both smirked. The warehouse. The bombs. “I can smell-”

Matt hesitated again, swallowing. Vladimir nodded, tipping his head back against Matt’s chest to look up at him.

“I know.”

Matt sighed, and sat beside him. He picked up the needle. An offering. Vladimir leaned against him with a grin, letting their fingers intertwine around the syringe.

“Tolik used to help me.” Vladimir said. “That’s why…” Matt could feel his hand shaking, and gripped it tighter. Vladimir laugh was dry.

“No good with needle. Well,” Vladimir rephrased, “No good on myself. Poor Semyon.” He nuzzled into Matt’s neck. _Poor Anatoly_ was left unspoken. It rang in Matt’s ears.

“May I…?” Matt felt Vladimir’s hand go limp in his own. The needle fell into his grasp.

“Thank you,” Vladimir whispered, in Russian, and pressed a kiss to Matt’s cheek.

*

“You say it does not matter.” Vladimir said, panting. “But now I think it does.”

They were in his penthouse, in his living room. Matt had been pleasantly surprised by the place. It reeked of old money and sat on the edge of Hell’s Kitchen. It was furnished for warmth and comfort, rather than the lavish and ostentatious house that Matt had been expecting. Anatoly had loved to garden, and rows of plants and herbs sat on all the window sills. Vladimir kept a watering can in every room. The living room was really a completely bare room with hardwood floors and a wall full of mirrors. There were exercise machines and weights on one side and a ballet barre on the other. They often sparred here. Matt wasn’t quite ready to explain Fogwell’s.

Matt tightened his grip across Vladimir’s chest, having pinned him to the floor moments ago. Vladimir tapped out, and Matt sat up, pulling Vladimir into his lap.

“Volodya?” Matt prompted, wrapping his arms around his waist with a smirk. Vladimir growled, trying to catch his breath. He swallowed.

“It different, now. Not the fight. The way you touching me.”

The sweat was beginning to cool on their skin. Matt could hear Vladimir’s heart beat quickening, and let his hand fall over his chest to feel it.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Matt breathed, his lips brushing against the shell of Vladimir’s ear. “I thought you were.”

“Before? Yes. Now?” Vladimir kissed Matt’s hand, shameless. “It seems you are uncomfortable.”

He guided Matt’s hand lower, palming against his crotch. Matt choked.

“Are you?”

“No.” said Matt, desperate. “God, no. _Volodya_ ,” He whined. Vladimir flipped him over, pinning his wrists. He smiled, all teeth.

*

“Anatoly...it was strange.” Vladimir said. They were both pretending to sleep. Vladimir stroked Matt’s hair, thoughtful.

“I kept no secret from him, see? As soon as I felt it…” Vladimir’s eyes fluttered shut. “He didn't understand. But I ask for things and he-” Vladimir stopped. Bit his lip.

Matt kissed along his clavicle, rubbing circles into his hipbone with his thumb.

“He would help me. He didn’t understand, but. He knew.”

His tears were silent and unashamed, dripping down his chin and onto Matt’s cheek. Matt kissed every single one. He gave a watery laugh.

“One day...my name, I had found it.” He smiled. “I had found it long before. Everyone called me Vladimir, or I’d beat the shit out of them. And one day, he turns to me, yes?”

Vladimir buried his face in Matt’s curls. “He says, ‘Should I call you that, too?’”

Vladimir choked, wrapping his legs around Matt’s waist and squeezing. Matt kissed him, over and over.

“I said, ‘Yes!’ And.” He rested his chin on Matt’s shoulder. “And that was that. That was when I felt whole.”

*

“You always know you are man?”

Matt wiped his eyes. Vladimir loved onions in stew, and was cutting up three of them with what appeared to be a switchblade.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Vladimir threw the onions in the saucepan, stirring in tomatoes and sausage. “You are always man? All the time?”

“I guess. I’ve never thought about it.”

“Ugh.” Vladimir smiled. “Imagine this. How strange.”

“I don’t understand.” Matt said, adding Anatoly’s basil to the pan.

“I just. Cannot imagine what it is to never…” Vladimir gestured somewhere above his mouth.

“Wonder?”

“I do not know word.” Vladimir huffed. “To never think about this.”

* 

They were sitting on the corner of the tub again, Vladimir forcing himself to breath as Matt pulled the needle out.

“Done.” Matt said, swabbing his thigh and pressing a bandage against the spot.

“Eugh.” Vladimir said, rubbing at his leg. “Maybe I switch to pills.”

“Whatever you want.” Matt said with a smile. He got up, stretching.

“Hmm.”

“What is it?”

Vladimir was staring at his reflection. He rubbed at the scars under his pecs. There was a long pause.

Then he grinned, all teeth. He turned on his heel and walked out into the living room, singing an old Russian lullaby.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Tolik=Anatoly  
> Volodya=Vladimir  
> Matvey=Matthew
> 
> You can find me at sorryfreudianslip.tumblr.com!
> 
> The first part is a pun! The lullaby is, of course, Тили-тили-бом and the first bit of lyrics is talking about a man outside...knocking at the door...and Matt knocks on the door. Get it? Ha ha? //fingerguns


End file.
